A man walks into a bar and looks depressed. Bartender comes over and with a great show of compassion, gives him a beer on the house.
“Something bothering ya pal?” the bartender asks.
“The wife and I had a fight,” the man said, “she doesn’t like it when I say the word ‘bitch’.”
“Why is that?”
“She thinks I need to learn her mother’s real name.”
A couple I know were discussing their wallpaper, which had just been hung. Dave was annoyed at Debby's indifference to what he felt was a poor job.
“The problem is that I'm a perfectionist and you're not,” he finally said to her.
“Exactly!” she replied. “That's why you married me and I married you.”