Thursday, 7 November 2013
I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort.
So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” I didn’t respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?”
I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.”
Never going back to that doctor again. Never.
Wednesday, 17 July 2013
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.”
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, “Mama needs new clothes!”
Then she hollered, “YES! YES! I WON! I WON!”
She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”
The other answered, “I thought you were watching!”
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but most men are gullible.
Sunday, 30 June 2013
A man walks into a bar and looks depressed. Bartender comes over and with a great show of compassion, gives him a beer on the house.
“Something bothering ya pal?” the bartender asks.
“The wife and I had a fight,” the man said, “she doesn’t like it when I say the word ‘bitch’.”
“Why is that?”
“She thinks I need to learn her mother’s real name.”
A couple I know were discussing their wallpaper, which had just been hung. Dave was annoyed at Debby's indifference to what he felt was a poor job.
“The problem is that I'm a perfectionist and you're not,” he finally said to her.
“Exactly!” she replied. “That's why you married me and I married you.”
Monday, 17 June 2013
One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, “You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores.”
A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.
When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
“Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?” asks the little boy.
His mother replies, “I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk. I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon.”
Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat.
The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, “Do you want to tell him, or should I?”