Saturday, 25 May 2013

ADULT JOKES - To Brighten Your Day

A judge asked a woman on why she wanted a divorce.  

She answered, “Your Honor, he knew I'm a vegetarian and yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth.”  


Woman : Doc, an ant entered my vagina, can you please take it out.  

Doctor removes her panties and start making love.  

Woman : What are you doing?  

Doctor : This is the only way to drown the bastard!  


Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?  

Answer : Your SALARY. It comes once a month, lasts 3 - 4 days and if it doesn't come you are in deep trouble!  


A lady visited her doctor again.   

The doctor said, “You look more sick and exhausted than before. Are you having 3 meals a day as I advised?”   

“WHAT? I thought you said 3 MALES a day!”


Women asked God to make the penis pretty. 

GOD said, “No way; now as it is, the penis is so ugly and you still suck It. If I make it pretty you'll eat it up.”   


A nun went for a urine test. The sample got mixed up. When the doctor told her she was pregnant, she cried and said, “Shit, we can't even trust cucumber anymore.”


A boy pulls down his pants in front of a girl and asked, “Do yo have this?” 

The girl lifted up her skirt and said, “My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT!”


Schoolgirl : I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION. 

Class Teacher : Why not? 

Schoolgirl : Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!


Mother asks daughter, how is married life? 

Daughter shyly says like BRITISH AIRWAYS. 

Mother reads the advertisement and is shocked. It says ‘7 DAYS A WEEK, TWICE A DAY, BOTH WAYS.’  


What is the STRONGEST muscle? 

TONGUE - It can raise a woman's hip with just one lick. 

The lightest muscle? 

PENIS -  It can be raised by a woman's tongue.


Lady Immigration Officer asked a Korean tourist, “What's your name, sir?” 

“Park Yu.” 

0fficer become angry and shouted back, “FUCK YOU! Now what's your full name?” 

Korean replied, “PARK YU TOO.”


Man to wife : Business is bad, if you learn how to cook we can remove servant. 

Wife: ASSHOLE! If you learn how to fuck, we can remove driver, gardener and watchman.


COCK say to his two BALLS : I am going to take you with me to a party. 

BALLS said : You big fucking liar. You always get INSIDE and leave us hanging OUTSIDE!


A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like? 

Mama dog's reply : How I know. Your papa came from behind and I didn't have chance to see his face.


A lady and her husband have been arguing back and forth for some time. She makes an appointment to see her doctor and tells him, “My husband has been complaining that my pussy has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff, and I don't smell anything.”  

The doctor examines her, and then says, “Ma'am, you need an operation.”  

She says, “On my pussy?”  

He says, “No, on your NOSE!”

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